Hi Friends,

I don't really know what the exact intention of this post is, but I just feel the need to write, so here I am. I really feel blehhhh lately. Anyone else? I feel so blehhh. I don't feel necessarily bad, but I don't feel good either. Actually, I do kinda feel bad, but it's not some earth shattering, world-ending suffering and pain. I just feel bummed out. Sorry if this seems like a downer. But I think it is okay to admit it when we are feeling bummed sometimes. I try so hard to see the good in situations, and make the best of things; learn from experiences and move forward. But I'm a little frustrated to be honest. I'm gonna go on about my frustrations now, but hopefully there will be a point by the end... Stay tuned and we will find out.

First frustration: my faith. I feel like my walk with Jesus is not growing or getting any stronger despite my efforts and my prayers. For a while there I was on FIRE for Jesus and I felt like my walk with him was really taking off. Now I'm like, wait how did I go from that to this, so fast? If you are a Jesus follower, I am sure you have experienced this at some point, and if not, you probably will. I read my Bible, and want so badly to get something out of it and have this amazing revelation and WOW moment, but lately I read and I pray and I try, but I'm stuck. Jesus is there, this ain't his fault, it's definitely me, but I feel like my walk is in a weird funk. I think sometimes as Christians, we overthink it and believe we need this WOW moment every time we encounter the God that is WOW, well because he is God and WOW. But that's not how it works all the time. I think sometimes it happens, and sometimes it doesn't, and we have to press on anyway through those blehhhh times. Through the times we don't feel on fire for God. Through the times we don't feel like we are getting anywhere. We press on anyway. The Bible says these very words in a much more poetic way, "...let us strip off every weight that slows us down, especially the sin that so easily trips us up. And let us run with endurance the race God has set before us" (Hebrews 12:1). Hear that? We gotta run with endurance. Endurance is key. The whole point of endurance is pushing through even when you don't really feel like it.

Next, I'm beyond frustrated with my dating life. Honestly, I can say my dating life is soon to be non- existent because I am OVER IT. I'm not trying to be negative, but I am being real. If you're out there trying to date in 2020, you might really understand me here. I am so over dating in 2020. I'm talking about needing a serious a break. Despite how badly I want to find love, I need to hit the pause button. I'm frustrated that all these guys end in dead ends. I'm frustrated that when I met someone I really fell for and saw a future with, outta the blue it didn't work out. That kinda stuff seems to suck way more when it comes out of nowhere and you aren't even slightly expecting it. It's all smooth sailing, and then BAM shark attack. I'm being dramatic and getting carried away... but I am so frustrated about that! I wanted it to work out. I'm also frustrated that I can't find anyone else I remotely like as much. And then there's going on dates where you do not hit it off and you feel like you wasted a night of your life making small talk. Dating is not my thing. I don't know if it is anyone's thing, but for sure not mine. Anyone feel this at all? So moral of the story I'm over it. I don't want to be alone, but this is where I am in life and whether I like it or not I need to make peace with it for the time being. I realized today even though I don't want to be alone, it's okay for me to be alone. Maybe it's time for me to embrace the single life. I don't like the idea of embracing it because I simply don't like it or want it. But I'm coming to find if I fight God on what he wants for me, chances are I am going to lose, and besides that, I don't want to fight God on what he wants for me simply just because I don't like it. How ridiculous that sounds when I think about it and write it out. Too bad if I don't like it! God's got bigger plans that I can't see, and I need to be obedient and let him do his thing.

Now, I feel this personal conviction right now. Maybe in a few months I'll feel like it's okay to get back out there, but for now I need to chill. And I came to another realization that I am getting to know myself pretty well. I recognize that I need to pause. I recognize God's conviction on my heart. I like that. Maybe it's a good time to spend some time with myself, getting to know myself even better, and liking me for me. Not only that, but spending time with God and letting him like me for me.

Then there's frustration about fitness progress. My goodness I have been eating so much kale. I've been working out everyday and eating so much kale and I feel like I'm not making any progress! Anyone feel this one? You feel like you've been grinding and trying and sacrificing and putting in that effort and you just are not getting anywhere in your fitness journey. I feel it. It's frustrating, disappointing, discouraging, and tiring. I feel tired. I find myself saying, "what's the point?" and wanting to give up and eat Oreos for the rest of my days. But then I find myself wanting to slap myself upside the head and say "SNAP OUT OF IT." I'm frustrated, and I'm acknowledging that valid feeling, but I'm not a quitter. And you're not a quitter either. So don't eat the Oreos for the rest of your days. Just be frustrated for some time, and then eat the kale and run the mile anyway. Don't give up, because this storm too shall pass.

We go through seasons where we are over it, frustrated, and discouraged, but it doesn't last forever. You won't stay frustrated and discouraged. There will be a spark, that fire will kick in, the progress will happen. If it doesn't, think about changing things up a bit to find what works and what will ignite those results. But dear friends don't let the blehhhh keep you down. I think this post is more of a self-talk for me. I needed to have this little talk with myself because despite being bummed out, this storm too shall pass and it shouldn't be forgotten. Good things are all around even when things all around seem to totally suck. And they do totally suck right now. Not only are our personal problems like these taking place, but world-wide issues that cannot be ignored. In my own city, there are protests and riots and businesses being robbed and destroyed. There is racism, and there is evil, and there is destruction. An innocent cop got shot in the head on the Strip recently. It's discouraging and heartbreaking and every time I turn on the news I'm like BLEHHHHH.

But we need unity, we need prayer, and we need love. I opened my Bible and this verse I had underlined at some point in my reading over the years just popped out at me," likeminded , be sympathetic, love one another, be compassionate and humble. Do not repay evil with evil or insult with insult. On the contrary, repay evil with blessing, because to this you were called so that you may inherit blessing" 1 Peter 3:8-9. I don't exactly know my role in what is happening in the world, but I know as a Jesus follower my role is to love people. I know my role is to share the message that there is a real God that is greater than all of this pain, and He wants people to come to Him. 1 Timothy 2:3-6 says, "...God our savior, who wants all people to be saved and to come to acknowledge the truth. For there is one God and one mediator between God and mankind, the man Jesus Christ, who gave himself as a ransom for all people." Okay, just after writing that out I'm able to look past the bad in the world and say, "WOOO now there is something to celebrate!" Press on. Press on. Press on.

So, we finally arrive at the end, and I think we touched on some good things. Thank goodness. To be honest I did not know where we would end up, but I like where we did. Stay humble, stay kind, and endure. "Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already arrived at my goal, but I press on to take hold of that which Christ Jesus took hold of me... I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus." Philippians 2:30